It’s that time of year when families are getting their kids
ready for back to school. I remember the stress of single parenting and the
worry that was a natural part of raising a child with a disability. What would
the school year bring? Will my children do well in school? Will they get the
help they need? Will they like their teachers? Will the teachers like them? As
I reflect upon my life and how I raised my children, I think I would have done
a few things differently. If I could give advice to parents of young children
it would be to chill out and do as follows:
Embrace your child's eccentricities: When my daughter was about ten years old she thought her
school picture would look really cool if she showed a tattoo on her arm. On
picture day, she licked and stuck one to her arm and didn’t let on to me that
she had no intention of looking like all the other kids for her school picture.
Weeks later, when I saw the proof, I was furious and refused to buy her school
picture. Looking back, it was really very funny, but I saw no humour in it at
the time. I regret not letting my daughter be her natural kooky self. What
would have been the harm, really? Maybe if I had been more accepting of her
independence when she was younger, she would have loved herself more in her
teen years.
Let them get muddy: My
mother never had any problem letting me splash in the mud when I was young, but
I never wanted to deal with the mess and pain of trying to get the stains out
of my kids’ clothes. Honestly, why was it such a big deal? Kids love mud and
they usually love getting dirty. Happiness is a muddy face!
Before you freak out, weigh the importance of the issue: Single parents have no one to tag team
with, so the stress of raising a family alone can be pretty intense. Whether you
are single or married, however, there will always be times when you are
overwhelmed by things your children do. I remember freaking out over things
when my kids were young, but for the most part, I don’t remember why. That
tells me I was probably over reacting to small stuff. If I could go back and
redo things, I think I would try to be more relaxed and less of a drill sergeant.
Oh well; hindsight is 20/20. I was certainly not a perfect
parent, but I was definitely a good mother, just the same. We all do our best
with the tools in our chests. Please don’t beat yourself up over the mistakes
you make. Your grandchildren will be your shot at a redo, but until then, chill out!